Fears of Raising A Black Son in America

You know what scares me the most?

Having a black son in America.

Having a son that looks older than his age.

Having a son that is so trusting and naïve, to all the monsters of this world.

Thinking that one day he’ll end up like Sean Bell, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Philando Castile, Akai Gurley, Ahmaud Arbery, or George Floyd.

Thinking that his voice won’t be heard because the color of his skin or…

His pain would be seen as frivolous or…

He won’t be believed or…

They’ll say he should’ve done what they told him to or…

He shouldn’t have been there or…

He shouldn’t have resisted or…

He’ll be guilty until he’s proven innocent.

I never thought that I’d have to face all of these fears when I prayed for a baby boy. Tears roll down my face as I look at him. He’s so smart, so silly, so loving. He’s tall, his skin is the color of honey, it absorbs the sun and reaches the color of bronze in the summer. His eyes are as big as saucers and they shine in the night like the purest gems. Sadly, all these things aren’t enough. Regardless of how I raise him and how well-mannered he is, he will just be seen as another black man. Actions others have committed will fall upon him, and when they see him, they will see someone less deserving of empathy.

People don’t understand how much I cringe when they say that he looks older. He is 7 and already 4”2, they second tallest boy in the class, only because the tallest boy is a year ahead. We’ve encountered 9-10-year old’s that he’s already taller than.

Tamir Rice was only 12 years old when shot by the police, while playing with an airsoft gun in the PARK. The officer ASSUMED that Tamir was older, based off of his height.  What blows my mind is that I took one look at Tamir and the only thing I could see is a baby. It seems like society does not allow black children to simply be children. They’re seen as “too grown” or “little thugs” when their counterparts reflect the same behavior get labeled as “fashionistas” and just “boys being boys”.

I’m worried that someone’s racism and prejudice is going to take my baby away, it worries me sick when I look at all the young black boys in my life that they won’t be given a fair shot. They won’t be seen for their character but some preconceived misguided, “do nothing” black man.

I don’t want to make this long, but I’ll end with this. Cases like George Floyd and the ones listed above are not new. This has been going on forever, even before Emmett Till. Black men have been the enemy since their feet touched this land and as mothers of young black boys, we owe it to them to engrain safety precautions, so that they make it home to us. I am tired of seeing our men laid out in the street like dogs. It’s not ok that our boys cannot be boys, but it’s for their safety that we help them create a game plan to navigate this ugly thing that we call life.